I’ve been hashing this out with my sister and wanted to get my thoughts down. I kinda feel bad for my big kids because I’m a much better mom now with #4 than I was with them. You’re thinking “duh” I’m sure, but it’s something that has slowly dawned on me.
For instance, Seester and I met some friends for coffee one afternoon and when we headed back around 6:30 Birdie lost it in the van (like we knew she probably would). I didn’t hesitate to pull over, wrap her and walk along a strip mall until she fell asleep in hopes that when I did put her back in the van we would have a few more minutes before she freaked out again. I don’t think I would have done that with my bigs. I was so focused on getting home, doing what need to be done that I don’t think I really stopped to give them what they needed in moments like that. I am not feeling any mommy guilt, really, I did the best I knew and the fact that my girls are 22 months apart made things hard. Have I mentioned how much I’m loving this 5.5 year age gap? Having big kids when you have a baby is just pure awesomesauce.
I know part of it is being older now (I was 23 when I had my first) and part is that I know she very well may be our last and I am savoring all of it (yes, even the screaming fits and night nursings) because I DO know that time truly does fly.
With my first I remember being so excited for every milestone… but now I am dreading them. New moms, relish it. Enjoy it. ALL of it. Even though it’s hard. I wish I had with all of them. There are so many little things I don’t remember.